I Remember...Katrina Then & 5 Years Later

I Remember...

I Remember a celebratory lunch with my extended work family filled with boastful conversation of what lay ahead in the busy schedule of the Fall months.

I Remember waking up and hearing the words..."Category 5 headed directly to our home"...words I thought I would never hear in my lifetime.

I Remember unloading our belongings into that place that was supposed to be safe and protected and the words of strangers telling me that I had made such a good choice of not getting on the road.

I Remember when the newscasters signed off for the last time, the very first loss of electricity, winds that were completely horizontal and sirens that screamed for hours on end.

I Remember the sounds of broken glass under my flip flops and the hospital priest saying that "THIS is what it must have felt like to be on the Titanic."

I Remember heat beyond comprehension, the faces of human suffering, staggering worry and confusion of why water was rapidly rising.

I Remember saying goodbye to my mother in the middle of the highway, a car that somehow lasted on near fumes as we pulled into that station and a bloodied & petrified girl in the restroom that had just left the convention center.

I Remember hearing the familiar voices of my colleague and her family that gave us a safe place to take refuge in the darkness of night and the dreams of escaping from buildings with water that never seemed to end.

I Remember my son coming into the world and feeling like the pain I was feeling was nothing compared to the suffering of my city and her people and I had not suffered enough.

I Remember my son's first "home" away from home on a street perfectly named "Heavens Drive" where having family cradle us with love & support was more important than anything else in the world.

I Remember that October where thousands of butterflies filled our neighborhood...what a phenomenon that was and no better of a symbol of the rebirth that was about to unfold before my eyes.

I Remember standing in line for Houston's Restaurant because it was the only place in the city serving on china...something so simple but became obsolete in our search for our former "Big Easy lives."

I Remember a husband that became not only a hero but a healer, as a first-hand witness to a sickness that led me down a dark spiral for way too long.

I Remember a small team of colleagues reuniting and trying to carry a torch so dimly lit, while other teammates picked up and had to leave everthing they had ever known just to try and remain afloat.

I Remember I watched a dear colleague suffer through sickness and recovery and crying and telling stories at our very empty lunch table.

I Remember the joy of the grand re-opening of every restaurant that mattered to me and the pure bliss on children's faces with the re-opening of the zoo and the aquarium.

I Remember that first Mardi Gras morning the sounds of a bag pipe troupe playing "Amazing Grace" as 5,000 of my closest neighbors watched in awe of the peace that overcame us all as we stood in the middle of St. Charles Avenue.

I Remember the sparkle in the eyes of a High School student as he was presented a brand new musical instrument and his story of living alone for the past year so that he could complete his Senior year as a Purple Knight.

I Remember that night sobbing watching as the Saints took the field in the Superdome again and it seemed that it was then we became defiant against the naysayers and the people who didn't believe.

I Remember when our lunch table began to grow again and our stories shared more laughter than tears and the spectacular events that followed and one by one our torch grew brighter and stronger.

I Remember the loss of a dear friend who no longer could take the pain, daily wear & tear and the uphill battle that we continued to live through so like many others before him he ended his battle himself.

I Remember digging down deep to find the courage to give birth to my daughter in a city's health system that I no longer trusted and the joy of having a second chance of being a first time mother.

I Remember saying goodbye to our first home that I so dearly loved and relishing in the fun of every detail of building a new home.

I Remember a golden season that was pure divine intervention where black and gold confetti seamed to rain down from heaven during those magical days.

I Remember seeing a photo of myself from a celebratory lunch on the 26th day, where there are no signs of exhaustion, pain and struggle that seem to march across our faces so prominently today.

I Remember our journey over the last five years and through the pain, struggle and exhaustion the sheer gratitude and joy that each day brings that does not go unnoticed.

For that reason I choose to remember and never forget.

Kellie Hope Mathas

Dedicated to my fellow New Orleanians, my friends, family, colleagues, clients across the country and most of all, my husband who stood by me, my beautiful daughter who gives me light each day and most of all for my son Cole...who saved me when I thought I couldn't save him.

Dear Kelly Clarkson...THIS is what happened to Miss Independence!

Here she is...our little miss independence!

If I would have had just a small glimpse of the personality my baby would have as she blossomed, giving her a name in the hospital wouldn't nearly have taken me so long. Carly means "free man" and there couldn't possibly be a name more fitting for her.

It has become quickly apparent and extremely bittersweet that Carly's beautiful spirit will never require a lot of hovering under her parents wings.

She is joyful, giving, sweet, exceptionally smart and adoring of her big brother.

At almost 40 years old, I couldn't be more opposite of Carly. There are many days I still want my own Mom to hold my hand and tell me everything will be alright or take care of me when I am sick. Even when she falls down it is hard to comfort her as she quickly rallies in protest at her physical limitations.

She is bold, fun, loud, confident and proud. One day last week, Allen swung her upside down by her feet and she shrieked so loud I thought the windows would crack! One day, Carly will be the ONE at the amusement park that you will be able to hear from the top of the ride and laugh that someone can scream that loud.

She favors her family, puppies, kitties, Barney, Elmo and Chick-fil-a ice cream and like all Hope grandchildren before her, she ADORES her Paw-Paw.

They share secrets and have a special language between them that is cherished and true.

The ONLY time Carly wants to stay close is night time and this has been since day one. Some people may be aggravated at the thought of sleeping with their little one(s) but it is at this time that I get to gaze at her striking features and thank God that she is in our life as I hold her tight at the end of the day and many times throughout the night.

My niece Amanda has been visiting colleges this summer to determine her plans after graduating next year.

I remember taking Amanda on field trips and swinging her high in the air like it was yesterday and just like everyone says it went by SO incredibly fast. I looked down at Carly and wondered what colleges we would visit one day with hopes she won't go TOO far away. And although Carly will probably be off circling the world and doing stints in the peace corps or an internship at an international embassy, I can be at peace because her brother will probably still be living at home and demanding help with putting his socks on!

Be free my little girl. I now know what it really means to let something free when you really want to hold it way too tight.

Indoor Plumbing is Really Overrated

So here it is...a sneak peak of our new home in the Soup Bowl! Unfortunately this picture is already very outdated as our builder is setting records with our schedule and the work being accomplished. Come to think of it maybe he should consult with BP on a thing or two!!! Anyway... love Tommy Gennusa (TAG HOMES)...super builder.

Although we are moving along very quickly it is not soon enough for our little Cole who asks almost daily when his home will be ready. Cole sees his room painted brilliant blue and that is all he needs. Frankly, in Cole's eyes, indoor plumbing is totally overrated and not extremely necessary as our current neighbors have experienced when Cole exits the car in the afternoons! (Such a proud thing for a mom!)

As of today, our driveway is being poured, walls have been painted, most of the floor is down and the kitchen cabinets are being put in! It is exciting and stressful but totally worth every additional effort that we are putting into it. We have some incredible and beautiful features that we are designing for the house like this turned wood chandelier by local designer Julie Neill called the "Savannah." I think I am most excited though about the awesome mud room space we are having built that also has a built in desk for me (& the kids!)...it just screams organization for tiny shoes and big stinky ones too!

Although we have not been given an exact date, we will probably have a house move in party around the first week of September - maybe just in time to celebrate Cole's 5th birthday. What a gift that would be so Tommy if read this please consider this as a present for Cole ok??!

I will post another update on the kids, VERY EXCITING work news for me and the Soup Bowl by early next week along with some additional updated photos of the house. For now....we are so grateful for our life!

Making It All Worth It Part 2

Cole loves snowballs. It is the perfect summer treat that is pretty much an after-school standard in the Soup Bowl. For the first 2 years of his life, Cole only requested ice cream flavor or as he calls "yellow ones." At 4 he moved on to "blue ones" which are most often bubble gum in flavor.

Since I was a little girl my favorite has always been chocolate which he will often ask for a bite of here and there but has never ordered one for his very own.

Yesterday after school pick up, we went to our snowball spot and I ordered a "yellow one" for him by request. The lady at the stand told me that they day before he ordered a chocolate one for the first time while visiting with his paw-paw.

I got back in the car and said to him "Cole, a little bird told me that yesterday you got a chocolate snowball...how exciting!" He looked excited back at me and with much expression said...

"Mommy, I didn't know YOU spoke bird!!!!"

Gee, how I adore him.

Mother's Day Do-Over

Isn't it possible to do a day over...especially if it's a day you automatically become a club member of when you have kids? Mother's Day like all major holidays mean a lot to me. Growing up in the Soup Bowl, holidays were a big deal in my family and my mom was and still is one of the best holiday makers in the country. She was great at it all...the cooking, the cleaning, the parties, the shopping, the perfect presents and most of all the happy memories. This would normally be a great thing except for the fact that my bar has always been set high and with high expectation often comes higher let-down.


I also admit I USED to be what I call a "Hallmark snob." A Hallmark snob is someone that unless you see the little gold crown on the back of the card then the card was probably just from a grocery store and thus not good enough for my standards. Allen learned early on that I wanted the gold crown card but these days a card from the Quick E Mart would serve just fine in my book.

As our family has grown and our lives have become busier, messier, less organized and often chaotic, my standard of what makes a great holiday certainly is no longer the dream of what was but what we can make of it now. And for now, that's OK with me.

It's ok with me UNTIL the deadly combination of things said and NOT said and things done and NOT done led to the 2010 Mother's Day meltdown.

I won't go into the rather scary details but there were certain flashes of a crying child underneath a restaurant table, a husband that forgot the words "Happy Mother's Day" and one mom screeching off in a black jeep just to start off.

After speaking to some other fellow mom's, it sounds like I wasn't the only one that wasn't brought breakfast in bed, slept in, went to the see the movie of their choice or left without criticism..event if it was just for one day. I heard that there is some website that women can sign up to cheat on their husbands and that on the day after Mother's Day the site had the largest enrollment of the year! That is CRAZY (the fact this website even exists) AND that obviously there are a lot of other Mother's out there feeling a touch taken for granted and not so special.

I was very pleased that when I got home from work on Monday that Allen and Cole had purchased me red roses and a balloon (which made Cole very happy since that was what he wanted to give me in the first place.) Even though I had to ask Allen to do it I could tell he was genuinely sorry for the lack of celebration on his part.

We BOTH have a lot of work to do to bring back a sense of special in what has become a war against routine and 110% caretaking.

Until then, I have high hopes for next year!

Making It All Worth It

A LOT of mornings in the Soup Bowl our home is filled with tears and frustration. There is too little space in our present second floor accomodations and one little baby girl who is rather obsessed with her big brother and his toys. Cole can't even go the bathroom without his sister trying to open the door... it sure is tough being a big brother!

So we have tears, we have screaming and then we have one mommy feeling like implosion is certain.

But every once in a while there is this tiny glimmer of hope...a kiss, a comment, a moment in time to freeze of a family sharing a moment that is pure and peaceful.

I was so lucky this morning to experience one of those moments as I was drying my hair getting ready for work.

Cole came up to me softly and wrapped his arm around me and said "How is my favorite girl in the world?"

SERIOUSLY?!

As tears came to my face from how sweet the gesture was...it was 7 words that made the rest of it all worth it.

Thank you to my favorite boy in the world.

Love, Mommy

It Sucks To Be THIS Mommy

It has been said that it takes a village to raise a child and in our family we call upon the village every day to help us make it through the day.

In my quest to keep our son out of aftercare we enlisted the help of our village...unselfish & giving family members who take turns picking him up at 2:45 pm each day.

It has been a successful but we know often taxing effort for the past several years until yesterday when I received a call that our village had failed....

Failed to pick up our first born that is.

The call went something like this...

The time: 6:02 pm The place: in line for mashed potatoes for Second Born at Popeye's

"Mrs. Mathas, this is Kim from LRSH, just checking to see who was picking up Cole today as he is the last child here?"

Mrs. Mathas: "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT...." (much screaming to strangers surrounding me follows...second born dazed and confused in the back seat of the car)

As I screeched out of the fast food line trying to wrap my head around what had happened, was our village ok today...was there an accident...they could not have forgotten...

BUT THEY DID.

OK...so I am sure you are thinking what's the big deal...so he got to play in the school yard with his friends for a few hours...how bad can that be?

Well, we didn't get THAT kid. ANY change in his schedule completely freaks him out. If we take a different route to school this can cause an uproar so THIS was going to be a BIG deal.

As I raced to pick him up, thoughts raced faster in my head swirling with the plan of everything from my reaction when I would see him to what I would tell him...the truth or a tale?

I couldn't bear telling them that he was FORGOTTEN...I mean how do you FORGET a child? With visions of him sitting alone and crying feeling abandoned and cold out on a corner, I quickly pulled up to the school and put my best happy face on to greet him.

With a smile on his face and a quick kiss hello there were no immediate signs of scars or tears.

I decided to tell him that his C&D had an appointment that lasted way too long and they called me to come pick him up instead. He seemed ok with that and quickly got into the car to head home.

By this time second born is eating her foot she is so hungry and then the questions and comments begin."Mommy I was really sad when you left me in the school yard today...you left me for 72 years!!!"

There would be no throwing anyone under the bus today. My fate was already sealed.

In his eyes I was THE ONE who forgot him.

It SUCKS to be THIS Mommy.

Just One Year

Today my baby girl turns ONE! It has been such a blessing to have her in our lives and I have been so humbled to have a second chance of being a "first time" Mother. I had the chance to experience a "normal" delivery, a "real" homecoming day from the hospital and special early outings with her in the Soup Bowl. In those first few months I got to experience every wonder without a second of fear.

From day one I truly believed Carly was an old soul. EVERYTHING Carly did she did like she had done it a thousand times before. From eating to playing to walking - nothing actually seemed difficult or unfamiliar to her. Her eyes always seemed familiar and comforting to me.

There is a clothing brand called "Just One Year" and when you become a parent you quickly understand the true meaning of that.

Just one year to experience & share every FIRST in her life.

Just one year that she will probably allow me to dress her in everything I want and not what she demands!

Just one year that she looked at me like I am the most beautiful thing she has ever seen.

Just one year of eating everything I gave her, sitting in her high chair and car seat without a battle and having the time of her life in the bathtub.

Just one year of unsolicited kisses and hugs.

I am hoping I get a little bit more time on some of these special days but for now I will cherish what I have gotten to experience of just one year.

Happy Birthday Carly!

The BIG Freeze

Much of our country is experiencing some of the worst snow storms and historic freezing temperatures than ever before. Today in the Soup Bowl, it is a bright, crystal day with perfect temperatures....however I wish we could have the big freeze.

A freeze to stop this moment, this time, these days, this sunshine with our historic FIRST ever win of Superbowl 44 last night in Miami. We are all literally walking on clouds in this city.

I wish I could freeze the kindness, love and extraordinary passion of a community who have come together for perhaps THE most special time in our cities history. Freeze the smiles, the hugs and the laughter that has rung through our streets for months now as the Saints marched on to gather our destiny.

I wish I could freeze the positive momentum of our city. With a newly elected Mayor followed by some of the best press our city has seen in decades, how could we not want to wake up from this incredible journey that has led to such a remarkable dream?

I wish I could freeze the beautiful innocence in my children's faces as I know how quickly this time will pass. As I collect historic newspapers and Saints Superbowl merchandise for their time capsules to "freeze the time" for them, I hope one day they will get look back and understand why their parents chose to stay in a city that many gave up on long ago.

For today, I choose to freeze it. God Bless the Soup Bowl!